Posted on September 15, 2016
Strong-willed loving
My firecracker is fighting hard right now.
Battling things I can’t see or understand.
Taking a fierce stance against me and dad just to fight something.
I’m broken and hurt and can’t see the end.
But I will keep showing up, even when I’m ready to quit.
I’ll keep helping you, even when you’re done with me.
I’ll be here fighting beside you until you realize we’re on the same team.
I love you kid…always will.
Updated on September 14, 2016
Neglected Gardens
Baseball was cancelled today. Which means we have a night during the week that we are home before 8:00. Which also means, the neglect the farm has experienced since school started can be remedied. Which is why the picture above is 100 jalapeños picked today.
What you can see are the 20 banana peppers, 3 bell peppers, 8 okra and 25 eggs that I also collected.
I’m pretty certain the garden is happier when I’m not fussing over it. Of course so are the ants and weeds.
We’ve also had two additions that have flourished from my neglect. These two babies are Loretta’s. She is the last one to sit on Little Jerry Seinfeld’s eggs before his relocation. So I let her sit.
She had three other eggs in her best but got sidetracked with these two and neglected the others. I was so worried about these littles. She wouldn’t let me close to them. And she wouldn’t get in the coop with them.
Loretta and the kids hung out with the teenagers under the coop for about a week. Starting this weekend, Loretta and the kids have been inside the coop at night. It’s been fun trying to figure out how she gets them in.
Loretta has been great protecting these two. She teaches them to scratch and has the other Ladies scared to get too close. She even gets after Big Mike if he looks in her direction
Here are the teenagers. These are the three chicks we “saved” and decided to raise. They are skittish. They don’t play well with the other chickens. And they are in their awkward teenage ugly stage. (They look rough and don’t play well with others.)
We have settled into a rhythm. It’s a pretty constant and chaotic rhythm but it’s our own special beat.
How’s your rhythm? What is happening to the things in your life that are falling through the cracks?
I pray you aren’t drowning from all your yes-es or rushing so fast your day has turned to a blur.
Slow down. Take a deep breath. And tell me what I’m to do with 100 jalapeños!
Updated on September 1, 2016
Letters to my children: September 2016
Each month I have the privilege of joining some incredible mothers as we document how quickly our kids grow. This is our September blog circle. Click here to read Holli’s pre-baby post to her boys.
These letters are pretty challenging for me to write. It feels like each month, we are in a bad “place” and I don’t feel like writing my words down for people to see. (One or the other…they take turns being turd fergusons.) But I’m finding that this is a good place for me to talk to them. I also want to be honest about how we hurt and struggle and win and rejoice. So, my words are here. Not pretty or grammatically correct, but here nonetheless for you to see.
Michael, Hey there handsome. I still can’t quite believe you are in 7th grade. Two weeks in and I think its gonna be a good year. This is our first year to play football. We weren’t real sure how it was going to work out. Some of those kids are pretty big and I was not ready for our first concussion or broken bone. To my surprise, you have really taken to it. You have been carrying a football everywhere…and have even taught sister some plays. I’m very proud of your dedication.
Our schedule has been crazy. I’m including this because in a few years I’ll be bored and wonder why these days flashed by us. We leave for school at 7:15. I pick you up at 4:30 after football practice. On Monday and Tuesday, we leave at 5:15 for baseball and get home around 8:45. The floors aren’t clean. The laundry is always behind. But you are having so much fun. Thank you for working hard on your school work and remembering that it comes first. I’ll keep sneaking snickers in your lunch box if you promise to keep the good attitude going.
The best part about our crazy schedule is the time you and I get to spend in the car together. We read. We dance. We talk. It is by far the best part of my day with you. So thanks for being a pretty cool kid. For stepping in at church and becoming part of a new group of people. For keeping me on my toes and having a fantastic sense of humor. And for loving me even when I know my crazy train is coming full force at you.
Love, mom
Dearest Katelynn,
We have been struggling. I’ve been calling your episodes “panic attacks” because I am really at a loss for words and feel completely helpless as I watch you unravel. The beginning of school didn’t feel stressful but it sure did manifest itself in very ugly ways. I think your body is trying to figure out how to grow up, even though no one is ready for it. (Hormones make us crazy).
I also think your body has forgotten how to process sugar. We have tied 3 of your last episodes to poor food choices. (This is such a hard topic for me. I have always had such a poor body image and I do not want you to ever have the same thoughts about yourself that I have battled since I was your age.) But, sugar is not treating you very well. The 3 “rages” were after you had a dessert. I’ve done some research and found out that sugar spikes can lead to aggression and irritation. When the endorphins are rushing, it can also be the reason you eyes dilate and you feel out of control.
I’m so proud of how you are responding to this unexpected change. You have been listening and making great choices. You have talked it out with me and are learning what is best for your body. Good job!
I do have to confess that this process has been pretty crappy for me. It is very hard for me to be nice to you when you are disrespectful and mean to me. (I’m only documenting this so that we can remember these days when you have a 10 year old daughter… )
Katelynn, your struggles last year have really changed you. It is incredible to see what a strong person you continue to be even when it feels like you are falling behind in the “win” column. I know you are going to take on the world head first and that these years will be such good prep work for whatever path you find yourself on soon.
Thank you for teaching me patience. Thank you for being brutally honest in your hurts and feelings. Thank you for forgiving me and for knowing I love you so.
To the moon and back, mom.
Updated on August 17, 2016
Want It Wednesday: Planner Edition
Planners, calendars, and all things office supply related make me so happy. Between now and the end of the year, I will be on the hunt for the perfect planner….and I will buy too many and try them out for a few days until my facebook feed shows me something better.
Here is a list of some of the planners I’ve purchased and some that I have been staring out for a couple of weeks. The name of each planner is a link you can use to hop over to the website and shop. (You’re welcome).
Living Well Planner is from the website/book Living Well Spending Less. This planner is on sale for $49 right now. It’s normally $55. It is a large planner which is the size I prefer. I comes with budget and meal planning pages and is colorful.
I loved the pages in this planner but I did not love the rings and how it was put together. I also did not like that it wasn’t dated but I bought some cute stickers on Amazon to fix that problem. I ended up taking the pages off the rings, wrapping the holes in washi tape, and putting them in a DayTimer binder cover (that I paid too much for). I still haven’t decided if I’ll use this one again this year or not. There is a facebook group for the planner and a lot of ideas are shared so it is a planner “community” which should really thrill you if you have the same addiction I do.
**Update: While looking for a picture to post, I looked at the new planner you can pre-order and got excited about the lay-out and new pages… I would still take them out of the rings and put it in my day timer binder.
The Rituals for Living Dreambook from Dragontree Apothecary is really cool. (I have this one too.) This one costs $45.I bought it to help me set and meet some goals. It also has a facebook group. I like the book and the questions it asks. Some of the wording in the book (and especially in the Facebook group) makes my Baptist southern girl feelers nervous, but I think finding an environment that outside of my normal groups is healthy. I’m staying in and reading about people “finding their own truths”…whatever that means.
This is great if you have some planning and goals that you need to hash out somewhere. It is visually appealing and I will probably use it more for some goal tracking so that it is in one place and I feel a little more accountable. It also is not dated.
Start Planner‘s Fancy Pants planner is more my style. I don’t actually have this one but I keep looking at the website. The Fancy Pants planner is $74 right now and starts mid-year. (So it’s dated). It has insert packs for teachers and photographers which may be useful for you. The pages look pretty cool but I think you will end up spending way more that the $74 once you get all the accessories you “need” to make it cool like the one in the picture.
The Daily Greatness Journal and Business Planner is another one I keep looking at. This one is even showing up in my Instagram feed! It is from Great Britain so the price is in pounds…and I don’t feel like figuring out how much that is in ‘Merican dollars…. This is an undated bound journal style planner. If you have a business and need to keep organized, this system may be something worth looking into.
Sacred Ordinary Days planner is my most recent purchase. I’m kinda excited about this one. (I should get it by Friday). You can purchase a test drive month for $2. I think this was a great option. I tried it for a few days and liked the format. This planner follows the liturgical calendar. It has scripture references from the Revised Common Lectionary. The size is a little smaller than I usually like for a planner BUT I’m going to use this planner as a journal for my morning devotions. There is even a Sunday page so that this planner can go to church with me when I doodle take notes during big church.
There also options of unbound or bound, Pre-liturgical year (August to November) and Academic Year which is shipping now. The bound edition is $55. That’s a lot for a journal but seems absolutely reasonable when you hear that “it’s for Jesus”…right?
I already have my 2017 planner purchased for $7.99 from TJ Maxx. I keep it on my desk at work to help me remember that I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER PLANNER. I can not find this one on the internet but I did find the website….which has pretty cool journals.
(This is kinda what my planner looks like…)
I could probably show you more that I’ve looked at or added to a cart or even used in the past. I told you I have a problem, now do you believe me? It’s not as bad as my hunt for the perfect pen, but it’s a close second.
What type of planner do you use? OR system? I didn’t even mention Erin Condren. Do you have any suggestions of other ones I need to look at?
Posted on August 16, 2016
Bubbles and Bad Attitudes
We registered for school. Summer is over.
Our summer bubble is gone. I love the summer bubble. It’s my summer hashtag. (#summerbubble) It’s that glorious time when we are the boss of ourselves and our time. No made up rules that we disagree with. It only includes my people and my tribe. Sometimes there’s others but it is on my terms and my choice. Total boss!
But the beloved summer bubble burst today. I was reminded of rules and checklists and all the things that have me pining for our summer by the end of March during the school year.
I despise the burst. It’s never a good thing. It happens every year and I’m taken aback like it’s never happened before. I don’t act very maturely to lists and arbitrary pieces of paper or demands on my time and handwriting abilities.
You may be shocked to know that I can not play nice when your rules make me feel inadequate or stupid. I am fierce when my children are involved. If you or your child have hurt my kid in the past, I am not mature enough to put on a nice face for you at any time…especially in the wake of a busted summer bubble. With that being said, please see my first day of school love note.
Dear teachers, administrators, staff members and parents: I don’t have it in my this year to put on my new school nice face. I’m going to try really hard. But if you were privy to my initial (failed) registration attempt yesterday, you’ve seen the best I can possibly put forth as I mourn the loss of summer freedom. It’s not you, it’s me. Well, it’s kinda you because you’re doing your job, but I’m going to try real hard not to hold that against you. I promise there will be a mom that has that smile for you. She will probably even sign up as room mom. Cling to her. Cling tightly. Let her real smile and true excitement for the beginning of the school year be your beacon. Lots of Love - Me.
Is it just me? How do you survive this transition without showing your a$$ at school registration? Hypothetically speaking….
Posted on August 10, 2016
Want It Wednesday: First Edition
It’s summer which means the new fall fashions are beginning to make their debut and the summer fashions I eyed in June are now on sale. I realized after an enjoyable conversation with other moms yesterday, that I need a list of wants.
So here it is, our first edition of Want It Wednesday!
- Ray-Ban Erika Metal Sunglasses. These are beautiful. I have a very stylish and cool friend that got these at the beginning of the summer and I still drool when I see her in them. You can get them here. Or you can go here for the black ones at half the price!
- Raining Rustic Boutique had the cutest kimono. I should have taken it from my friend’s body when I saw it last week. So if you see one like it, please buy it in a large/extra large and I’ll totally pay you back! Even though they don’t have the kimono anymore, they have several other cute things. You can follow them on instagram and be first to see when they have something you may need.
3. Shannan Martin has written a new book called Falling Free. I’m currently working my through all of her good words as a part of the book launch team. So far, it is challenging and beautiful and hard. It is a must read! If you pre-order her book here (which releases September 20, 2016) you can get some free stuff!!! 
4. Bissell Symphony All-in-One Vacuum and Steam Mop. This has been in my Amazon cart since last December. The price has greatly reduced! I’m still waiting to move it to my cart. In my mind, it will simplify my house cleaning chores by combining vacuuming and mopping. Do you know anyone that has one? Will they come clean my house with it? 
5. The Dot Girl First Period Kit. My girl is getting big. She is/has been hormonal. I’m not ready. I’m earnestly praying for Jesus to come back but I’m also preparing for the inevitable… One night I was up talking to myself and Jesus about having a pre-teen and came across this little kit. It has great reviews. I have such a fear that my girl will experience this life changing even while at school or at a friend’s house. This little kit fits in a backpack and waits patiently until it becomes a necessity. So it sits in my Amazon cart by the vacuum waiting for my denial of her hormones to pass.
That’s it for today. (Don’t worry, I have 38 items in my amazon cart…there’s plenty more for next week’s Want It Wednesday).
What’s on your want it list right now? (Or in your Amazon cart?…I love prime!)
Posted on August 8, 2016
Huddled around Hope
My dad has been gone for 5 years. His battle lasted almost 3 years. So we have grieved for 8 years. Our grief has been extreme and light hearted. Constant and intermittent.
Today we are all wearing black and spending the day gathering with lifelong friends to celebrate the life and legacy of an incredible man. I look forward to hearing stories of redemption and faith found because of a life well lived and a Savior well represented.
My friend lost her husband. It was sudden.
I can’t imagine her heartache or grief. I won’t pretend to understand her loss.
That’s the thing about grief. It’s all yours, not someone else’s. It can’t be shared or fully understood. Even if you have lost the same family member, you’ve not lost that specific family member. No death is ever the same. No loss is ever the same. No heartache is ever the same.
When you’re the one that loses, the words of others don’t fill the hole you feel. There are a lot of words thrown at you. So, when my friend was the one losing, I didn’t send her words. I’m waiting. She’s got enough words she’s hearing and reading and saying right now. She doesn’t need anymore. She will in a few weeks. And that’s when the words can help.
Our family huddles up in the wake of others’ grief. We know. We feel. We pause together and take deep breaths. We remember and every new loss opens our gently sealed hurts just a little bit. We laugh and find great joy in the stories of Toot Toot Tommy.
Even after 5 years, my dad sneaks up on me like a ninja. I am blessed with simple reminders of how he loved big and laughed hard.
Grief is hard. And weird. And it’s really not my favorite. Though we miss my larger than life daddy, we celebrate his life and have peace with where he is and where it has brought us.
Updated on August 1, 2016
Letters to My Children: Summer is Ending
Each month my friends post letters to their children. They are funny and loving…I’m not sure how I got in with this group of talented photographers. But they haven’t kicked me out yet and we have another group of letters. Click the link at the end of my post to see how talented Michelle is with words and pictures.
Dearest Michael and Katelynn,
Usually it’s time for the letter and I don’t feel like saying nice things to you. This past year has been a struggle! But we are having more good days lately. And I think it’s because you guys are growing up!
Summer is rapidly coming to an end.
We have 21 more days until school starts back up. That’s three more weeks of our current routine.
We have had such a good summer. It’s been busy but full of fun. We’ve started chores…for real! I’m very proud of how hard you’ve worked. It has helped me so much to have your help. Now that we have battled and resolved that they aren’t going away, your attitude is a little better. Thank you for learning to take the trash out and clean bathrooms and clean floors and all the other things you have learned to do.
Thank you for calling me everyday. All day. Repeatedly. As annoying as the constant calls at inopportune times has been, I will still miss them. I’ll miss having updates of your morning. But I won’t miss the calls that start with “Tell Michael to stop …..”.
Katelynn, today you called to see if you could bake cupcakes. When I got home, they were baked, cooled, and iced. When did you get so big?
Michael, you worked out at school this summer. You played so much baseball in the heat. And you have become a typical 7th grade boy. Teasing, joking, tricking! The prank calls are about to wear me out but I enjoy this stage you’ve entered.
Thank you for coming to camp and for having such a great attitude even though it was super duper hot. Thanks for going so I could go!
Next letter we will be a week into school. Last year of elementary school and second year of middle school. How did you get so old?!?
Love you to the moon and back!
Mom
Click here to jump over to Michelle’s blog. She is one of my favorite people and photographers. Click and enjoy!
Posted on July 21, 2016
At Peace with NO
In May, I had the opportunity and privilege to meet Jamie Ivey. She is a podcaster that I follow/stalk on social media. I sat down by myself because I went by myself and Jamie Ivey sat at the table. And she was gracious and funny. I told her all about chickens because that’s the quick way to get a mentor-type person to admire you. (ugh…)
Her words struck me right in the feels. I had been struggling with some life stuff and almost cancelled on myself but decided I NEEDED to be at the Story Cast event and be with people…it turned out to be such a fantastic event for my heart and my head. It turns out that this day would change my direction in a very unexpected way.
She told a story about being a DJ at a radio station in Austin. (How cool is that?) And she told the other side of the story about how she quit the job because her family needed her to be home and to not be a famous DJ. It was a beautiful story about not getting what you think your heart desires because the story God has lined out for you may not be exactly how you pictured it would be.
Exciting things are not happening for me…and I’m okay with that.
I’m not selling Lularoe. I don’t even know if I told you that I was on the list and had saved the money to sell Lularoe. I waited for 3 months to be called and prayed earnestly about IF it was the right thing for our family. I didn’t want to rock the boat OR miss out on a great opportunity. I was totally torn with what I was supposed to be doing and how either decision would affect my family…negatively or positively.
About a month after the Story Cast event, I woke up at 2am and couldn’t sleep. My brain wouldn’t shut up. I had been thinking hard about what having a second job would do to our family dynamic and how it would change our lazy days. Were the amazing opportunities something I was supposed to grab hold of? What about how it would help our family financially? Is this the story I want for our family? Finally, around 5:00, I had not found sleep but I did find the very hard answer.
It came as a whisper. No. No. No.
No, don’t take advantage of this incredible opportunity.
No, don’t take a second job that could give you the money to do things you’ve put on the back burner.
No, don’t do it. Because these “middles” that are growing in your home need you.
I could work full time. I chose not to for now. I’ve worked full time in a pretty oppressive office environment and left the kids in the care of some amazing and loving women. Because that was the season I was in at the time. That’s not my season now. And I’m okay with that (most days).
Handsome woke up around 6:30…and I told him I decided No. Turns out he was leaning toward no too. By the time I got to work, the whispered No had turned to a boisterous NO. And the burden I felt at 2 am had disappeared.
For a few days, I felt complete peace with the decision and contentment with the place and space I was filling.
Have you had these worries wake you in the night? Have you said no when the logical answer looks like it should be yes? Are you far enough away that you can see how this hard answer was so right?
Tell me about it… next time I’ll tell you how this no actually opened me up to an even better and unexpected opportunity that started…
THE MORNING I SAID NO!
Updated on July 4, 2016
Double- Digits!
This firecracker is 10. DOUBLE-DIGITS! I’m not ready for her to become an official tween…but we’re here and this girl is ready for whatever life throws at her.
Dear Sister-Girl,
If you ever decide to become a superhero, may I suggest your official name be Sister-Girl? Katelynn, I am incredibly proud of you. Nine was a very hard year for you. I was so busy praying for your brother before the move and knew that you would rock any situation with the confidence you’ve always shown, that I totally forgot to worry about you starting a new school too. But you did…and man it was harder that we thought it would be.
Nine year old girls are not as welcoming as we had hoped. Nine year old girls who are not held accountable for their actions can make the day at school hard and overwhelming. But those nine year old girls didn’t break your spirit. And you found some other nine year old girls….you found some good ones.
You are an incredible person. You have always been so kind and compassionate with people. You can see someone struggling and have the forethought to help and seek out ways to improve the situation. For years, you have wanted to be a special needs nurse or teacher. You’ve taken hard classroom experiences and used them to help your classmates and your cousins.
Thank you for sticking it out! Thank you for showing up for school and being a great student even when things were super tough socially. Thank you for sticking up for yourself when the adults around you refused to address the situations appropriately. Thank you for talking to me and telling me how I can help you and when I need to sit back and let you handle it. You are so confident in who you are!
Thank you for being the best (only) girl cousin in our family. Thank you for responding to Carter every time he calls for his “Yak Yak” (even the 47th time). Thank you for playing and caring for all of our family. Thank you for waitressing and crafting for us. Thank you for always remembering birthdays and knowing what would be the perfect present.
Thank you for your smile. Thank you for giggles. Thank you for spending the year with braces and for being so tough when all the things were happening in your mouth.
Thank you for being our dancing queen. Thank you for always having the perfect moves for every song you hear. Thank you for practicing and performing with a smile on your face. Thank you for being such a joy and a light for our family.
Congrats on making it to the double digits. I look forward to each and every morning when you ask for me to fix your hair and help you pick out clothes that you probably will chose not to wear. Thank you for being my sister-girl.
I love you to the moon and back Katelynn.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear how much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.
Happy Birthday girlfriend! Love, Mom
